The Way of Slash Horror
by Hirakareta
Summary: All of the same plot lines you see....add some smut, with a cherry on top. Various pairings. Next one up NejiGaara.
1. Snowed In

Hey everyone…this is my second fic. (Yay for me!) I decided that I would be doing something different from the norm. Make every chapter a various yaoi slash pairing…. now you might say, 'Heavenly Saint what's so different about that, everybody does that right?' Nope I'm here to tell you about the tried, out played, also don't forget unoriginal ways we get these so-called _straight _characters together yaoi style! Now on towards '**The Way of Slash Horror**'.

Inspired by Tumbleweed and his story 'Keep it Gay (or the Slash Clause)'.

Disclaima': Me no own! Sorry couldn't help it…I don't own Naruto. If I did, we as fan girls/addicts wouldn't have to come up with ways to get our fix of yaoi.

First up the 'One blanket fic' or 'Strip nakie and I'll convince you to have hot man sex with me to keep warm'. A classic if I must say so. Easiest way to get in the one you loves pant's um blanket…. yeah. Off to the story!

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Sasuke looked up at the darkening sky. It's heavy clouds for told of a coming storm. 

"Oi Naruto, we have to find shelter soon. It looks like it's going to be a big storm coming." He yelled over the roaring winds. "Well no shit Sasuke-teme but where are we supposed to go in the middle of nowhere?" Sasuke stopped and twisted his face in thought. 'Damn dobe's right,' he looked at their surroundings. Nothing but endless barren wasteland with a few withered trees dotting them. Snow country sucked ass…. or froze it, that much's for certain. "I see," the raven-haired boy slowly said. "I don't know what you see 'cause all I see is snow, snow, a bunny, and more snow." Sasuke decided not to answer the blonde opting for more silence on his part. "Oi Teme! What the hell are we gonna do!" It had started to snow lightly coating the boys in its powdery white. " I think there's a shack nearby we can go to." Naruto satisfied with the answer quieted and stepped aside. "Well I don't have anything better so…" Sasuke walked in the direction of the supposed shack. 'Better to just shut him up and get this mission over with. Damn Tsunade…she sent us on a damn fetch quest disguised as a mission. Bitch just likes the sake they make.' The boys trudged on in the knee-deep snow fighting the strong gale like winds. Sasuke turned around to access the other boy for he had fell behind.

"Dobe…Dobe," the boy was nowhere in sight, "Naruto! Naruto where are you!" He screamed worriedly. He retraced his steps and found the blonde nearly submerged in snow. "Naruto! Naruto wake up," Sasuke kneeled down beside the blonde and shook him. "S-Sasuke-teme? Why did we stop?" He looked up groggily wiping the snow off of himself. "You passed out usuratonkachi," Sasuke said pointedly, "Now get up we have to go." Naruto nodded standing up shakily. They walked farther while the snowstorm became almost unbearable. "S-S-Sasu-ke where are w-e," the blonde chattered noisily, rubbing his arms to keep warm. "W-We're almost there." Sasuke cursed himself for revealing he was cold as well and for lying to the blonde. 'I saw a shack a few miles away before. We should be close to it soon.' He hoped for it and either because he was an Uchiha or loved by Kami himself or both he didn't know. But…he was damn near happy when he saw it a couple of feet away. "Naruto, we're here," he spoke softly to the blonde now leaning on his shoulder. Naruto lifted his head and smiled. Sasuke could feel him shivering in his arms. He opened the door to the run down shack. It wasn't the best of places, but it would do.

"Come on Naruto," Sasuke nudged the other boy into the shack. "It's warmer in here Sasuke-teme," Naruto stated as the said boy closed the door, "All this time I thought you were just pulling my leg with that shack stuff so your pride wouldn't get hurt." He smiled when Sasuke twitched at the insult. 'Damn ungrateful prick. I should have never went back for him. But then if I didn't Tsunade would kick my ass.' Sasuke thought dejectedly. 'We should take these wet clothes off too.' He looked over to Naruto who was unsuccessfully trying to light a makeshift fire out of wet hay he found in the corner. "You dobe, move," Sasuke flew through the signs of the Katon setting the hay on fire. The shack lit up in its warm glow, showing more of its contents to the travelers. "Well now that we got the fire we have to take off these wet clothes or we're going to get sick." Sasuke started to shed his cloak when Naruto stopped him. "S-Sasuke we don't have to do…._ That_?" Sasuke stared at the blonde then continued to undress himself. "I don't now why you're so nervous. Not like we haven't taken baths together." Naruto sputtered when Sasuke took off his shirt. "Then get something to cover yourself up then."

"Like what," Sasuke asked now on his belt buckle. Naruto turned around looking for anything to cover the Uchiha. 'Oh thank goodness! I found a blanket,' he ran to the cloth that would save his eyes. "Here Sasuke-teme take this," he closed his eyes as he turned to give him the blanket. "Dobe you have to take yours off too," he grabbed the blonde and pulled him into an embrace. "Ha-ah Sasuke what are you-" the brunette proceeded to strip the other boy of his clothes. "Like I said before I don't want you to get sick dobe," Naruto pushed Sasuke away gently. "I-I can take off my clothes myself," he blushed harshly as he walked away from the brunette. "When you're done come over here," Sasuke motioned to where he was now sitting. "W-What but you-there's only one blanket," he blushed again. "Hurry up so we can keep each other warm." Naruto finished undressing but hesitated. 'Should I… No I'm being stupid," Naruto shook his head and sat next to his teammate. "Took you long enough, here," Sasuke opened the blanket and Naruto sat beside him. "Naruto… you have to get closer to me or we're not going to get warm," he said simply. When he took to long Sasuke pulled him close. "Oi Teme, are you ever gonna get tired of doing that?" Sasuke smirked. "No because I know you like it when I do that."

"N-No I don't Sasuke-teme! You-You hentai!" Sasuke smirk grew as Naruto rambled. "You know what dobe… you look kind of cute when you're flustered," he leaned in and kissed Naruto lightly. "Teme! Is this some kind of joke?" Naruto screamed, moving over to the other side of the shack. "Dobe come back. You're going to get sick if you keep doing that." Sasuke stretched as if nothing happened. "We need to keep warm and to do that we can have sex. Not only will it keep us warm but we can some fun with it too," The brunette finished off. "Sasuke… you're joking? Please tell me you're joking." Sasuke shrugged and patted to the floor next to him. "If you don't want to you don't have to. Unless you're chicken?" Sasuke smirked inwardly. He knew the boy wouldn't back down. "I am not chicken Sasuke-teme…" The blonde knew he was walking into Sasuke's trap. "Then show me, Dobe."

Naruto gulped. Was he serious or was he just messing with him. He sat down beside the brunette. "Well are you going to do it or not?" Sasuke smirked again. 'Got'em!' Naruto bent down to kiss him. "I'm not a chicken," he said before their lips met. Sasuke ran a hand threw Naruto's hair, tilling his head back to deepen the kiss. 'It's so soft.' Sasuke mused. Their tongues battled for dominance, neither yielding to the other. "Sasuke," Naruto sighed as they parted, slightly aroused. "You just going to do this?" Sasuke wanted to push the blonde more. He knew the other boy liked it… though he would never admit it. "Teme I haven't even gotten started yet!" The blonde fumed, pushing Sasuke back and straddling the brunette. "That's more like it Dobe," he bucked his hips causing the blonde to arch up in pleasure. "S-Sasuke, what did you…" Sasuke smirked. "It felt good so leave it alone." Sasuke started up a nice rhythm, grinding their erections together. He flipped them over so he was on top of the blonde. "S-Wah!" The Uchiha laughed at the blonde's reaction. "What's so funny Teme," he panted, pissed at the lost contact. "You're just too cute. Almost like a girl." Naruto saw red at this and wound up sitting in Sasuke's lap. "Oi Sasuke-teme! How dare you-" He was cut off abruptly by a hand on his member. "T-Teme don't-ahh. Change-mmm the-" Sasuke kissed him again relishing the blonde's taste. He stroked Naruto's now hard member, smiling brightly. "Sasuke…don't stop…please," he moaned into the brunette's shoulder, rocking his hips in time with Sasuke's strokes. "Don't plan to." He said, licking the fingers on his other hand. "Just enjoy it Naru." Naruto mumbled something but Sasuke didn't hear it as he inserted a finger into the boy's entrance. "Sa-ahh," Sasuke laid Naruto down, still bringing moans of pleasure to the blonde. "Naruto, do you want me to stop?" He looked down at the smaller boy, waiting for his answer. "N-No Teme." Sasuke added a second finger but then he stopped completely. "So you still have the balls to call me that, Dobe?" It was Naruto's turn to smirk even though his bottom felt funny. "I would think you know I do, since you're fondling them now." Sasuke's eye twitched slightly in annoyance. 'I'll show this Dobe a thing or two.' He continued with his previous ministrations before Naruto decided to ruin his chances of getting laid.

He slipped in one more finger, making sure his dobe was ready. Not that he liked to brag but the men in his family were well endowed. One of the many blessings of being an Uchiha but that was not and beside the point and has nothing to with this story…. Tehe. When he pulled out his fingers Naruto whined, pouting at the pause. 'The best part is coming….' Sasuke lifted Naruto up a little positioning himself next to the blonde's opening. "Naruto this might hurt a bit. So if-" The blonde wrapped his legs around him and pushed him in. Sasuke hissed at the warmth overtaking him. "You-were taking to long Teme," Sasuke chuckled. It was just like Naruto to rush things. Eating, training, and now sex…. 'That's why he's a Dobe,' Naruto rocked his hips into Sasuke's signaling to him that he was ready. "Are you ready?" Naruto rolled his eyes. "Teme I am-" Sasuke pulled himself out slowly then thrust himself back in, cutting of the blonde's rant. He took slow, languid strokes, taking his time. "F-Faster Sasuke," Naruto moaned, bucking his hips. Sasuke complied speeding up his pace. He snaked a hand in between them and stroked the blonde's member causing the boy to arch up in pleasure. "Sasuke! I'm gonna!" The smaller boy came abruptly in partner's hand, his muscles tightening around Sasuke's member, making him come as well. Sasuke pulled out of the blonde and rolled over beside him. "So how was that Sasuke-teme?" Naruto rolled over to face the other boy. "It could've lasted longer but I'd expect that from a Dobe," Naruto huffed and turned away from the brunette. "Damn Teme thinks he's better than me…" Sasuke shook his head then pulled Naruto into his arms. "No I know I'm better than you." He kissed Naruto's shoulder while pulling the cover over them.

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Aww, well isn't that the sweetest? It took me awhile to finish but thank the heavens that this chapie is over. I hope you like it. It seems like the only thing I'm good at is writing about sex. Woe is me! 

For the second chapter…. Someone's in heat and the only way to sate them it to do 'em! I don't know what pairings so I'll let you the readers decide. Next chapter "I'm in Heat" or "A really good way to have you character act like a complete and total slut!"


	2. In Heat

Thank you to everyone that reviewed…. It warms that tiny little heart of mine. Huggles all of you Now on to the second installment of "The Way of Slash Horror". "I'm in Heat" or "A really good way to make your character(s) at like complete and total sluts". The easiest way to get your said pairing in bed together. Usually someone gets preggers, they have a fight, get back together. Rinse, wash, and repeat. We love baby Momma drama.

Warnings: This fic contains Yaoi…. I really should have put this for the first chapter but hey better late than never right? Other warnings…Foul language maybe. No smex. Not yet anyway you're gonna have to wait. Characters kind of OOC… If anything I apologize it just came out like this ToT!

Disclaima': I don't own Naruto. Do you have to rub it in…bastards the lot of you!

Pairing: Gaara/Neji …nothing good can come of this pairing. Run to the hills!

'…' Means thinking… it's sad if you don't know that but.

"…." Means talking. I don't think you should read this if you don't know. That's really sad.

'…_.' _Means the old biddie a.k.a. Shukaku talking… and boy does this biddie talk. Can't get him to shut up really T.T Oh the sorrow!

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In Heat

"In 'Heat' an animal will seek out a 'willing' partner to reproduce. Mainly happens during mating season or when an animal comes of age." The redhead looked away from the book. _'I could have told you that much.'_ The tenet in Gaara's head responded. _'Oh look; you don't have to listen to me. Not like you haven't for years,' _Shukaku huffed. _'But at least take what I said to heart.' _

"Yeah, like I should listen to the three hundred year old voice in my head?" Gaara put the book on his desk along with other various documents. _'Not like you should talk_ _back either. Or out loud as well.'_ Ever since Gaara obtained the position of Kazekage his constant need to kill had been curbed to other things like writing treaties, helping old ladies cross the street, and talking to the three hundred year old biddie in his head. Reluctantly no doubt. Not only that but with his constantly changing body he had hormones to deal with. But you see the sad thing was it was just his sexual urges that he had to deal with. No fate had to screw with him, now he had to deal with this… _'Like I said you have to solve it. You could go to that brothel up the way. Or you could just force some unsuspecting village peasant to have it with you … Mmm there is that shop owner that gives you the google eyes. Nice rack too. We could mate with that one.' _A nosey, horny, old raccoon demon hell bent on getting him laid. _'Yes that shop keeper, the one that sells the fruits… She'd definitely let us have our way with her.'_ He did that funky laugh. "No, no, no, and no. I want nothing to do with that. As Kazekage I have to set a good example to the neighboring countries. And getting some random woman pregnant is not the example I wish to set." He got up from his very comfy chair to look out the window. A beautiful view of the village spread out into the desert came to greet him. _'You're always a party pooper. I miss the old Gaara, you know the one that killed puppies and kicked kittens. Mm yes those were the days.'_ Gaara sighed still looking at the village in which he sworn to protect with his life. _'Can we just kick one more kitten? Pwease…'_ If he didn't kill himself first that is.

"Gai-sensei! What is our mission for today!" An ecstatic Lee screamed. "Lee. Would you calm down it's 8 in the morning," Neji cringed at his teammate's energy. It was amazing the amount of energy Lee had during battles but it was damn near annoying outside of training. "Oh yes my exuberant students. The Springtime of Youth waits for no one! We must go on a mission to the Sand." Now that got the other half of the team to pay attention. "Why Gai-sensei. Isn't this a job for higher ranked shinobi?" The female of the group spoke up. "There's nothing to fear Tenten it's only a C-ranked mission. And you know about the shortage of ninja in Konoha. We must come through for the sake of our village such is the will of the ever burning flame of Justice that it holds," Lee fawned over Gai's speech. "Oh Gai-sensei those were such beautiful words!" Gai threw open his arms to welcome his student. "Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!" Even though it was 8 o'clock in the morning and the fact that they were at least 20 miles away from the nearest body of water. That still did not explain why a picturesque sunset with an ocean background complete with crashing waves mysteriously ended up behind Neji's teacher and teammate while they were crushing each other in a bone-breaking hug… 'Such things of the world shall never be explained I guess.' Neji thought. Tenten just shook her head. " Gai-sensei! Tell us the mission already," Tenten looked at a teacher pointedly. "Yes so we can get on with our lives."

"Well my dearest students as I said before we have to deliver a important document to the Kazekage himself. The contents of the said document cannot be disclosed and must be handed directly to the Kazekage." Gai finished off dramatically waving an arm in the air. Lee joined his teacher, dancing around the training field spouting off some nonsense about Youth and Happiness. But Tenten and Neji ignored that babble instead they talked amongst themselves, or at least Tenten talked. "So Neji what do you think is so important about that scroll?" The longhaired boy shrugged and continued to stare at the stupidness that was his rival and teacher. 'It's going to be a long mission… better pack something that stops headaches or maybe painkillers would be good too. Yeah,' he looked at Tenten still talking to herself, Lee now flipping across the field, and Gai-sensei… 'Yeah I'll make them strong alright.'

_ 'So you gonna do it… I know you wanna. Come on what's wrong with just a little bloodshed every now and then, ne?' _Gaara glared at his reflection in the window hoping that the demon saw it. 'Just shut up already,' an hour of the demon's constant bitching about mating this, killing that was driving him mad. 'I liked him better when he just growled at me and called it a day.' He banged his head on the glass now praying that Shukaku would stop. _'You know I always knew you were a strange boy but this takes the cake. You definitely need to mate with that female I was talking about…what was her name? Oh well like I said before that one has such nice supple...' _Gaara continued his assault on the poor defenseless window. "Kaze-Gaara what the hell are you doing?" Temari screamed as she pulled her younger brother away from the now cracked window. "Trying to get him to shut up… it's not working." He sighed and pouted… or at least it looked like that to Temari. "Do you want some tea? That might help." She knew he was talking about Shukaku. She also knew that she could do nothing to help the redhead. "Yeah I'll take that and a shot of some strong alcoholic beverage."

_ 'Ohh I haven't had a decent drink in quite some time. If it does any good we can probably take the proverbial stick out that ass of yours and finally get to mate…ahh good times.' _Temari gawked at her Kazekage. "You're not serious are you?" She asked knowing well he was dead serious… It just unnerved her to no end that her little brother wanted to get plastered… Yeah that and the fact they had a conversation that lasted more than three words. 'I'm gonna regret this I know it.' She thought. "Well Gaara if you want to you can come with me an' Kankuro to the pub?"

_ 'Haha finally I'll get to have that drink…ah nothing like some sake to lighten up the mood. You can ask out that female I was talking about, you know the one with the huge-'_ Gaara cut of the demons' little chat to himself. "I'll think I'll go with you."

"Great! Oh I almost forgot the Nins from the Leaf are coming tomorrow. I heard that it was that, um what's his name? You know the one with the fuzzy eyebrows," Temari gestured to her forehead mimicking the way they moved. Gaara nodded and motioned her to continue. "Well yeah his team is coming here maybe if they don't have to return to their village they could join us?"

"You're talking about Gai-sensei's team, I would think they'd like to join us…" Gaara spoke. Temari nodded and smiled. 'Oh my little brother might come back to me…' She thought while walking to the door. 'He might actually come back.'

_ 'Hahaha! Oh this is classic you're really taking my word for once? I never thought that day would come and now to plan out who we'll mate with first…' _Gaara could almost hear the gears ticking in the tanuki's head"No I only did that so she wouldn't worry. If I didn't say that she would have pestered me." He shook his head and sat back down behind his desk. _'Well like I saying before you rudely interrupted me. You could mate with that female teammate of his…the one that carries the insane amount of weapons. She has some bite in her that one would put up a good fight too.' _A disapproving sigh came from the redhead. "I've never felt anything for her and any other women you try to point out to me." Shukaku snorted._ 'A so you're a fag huh? I knew it. I just had to end up with a fag? I bet you want someone to mount you?'_ Gaara blushed a little at the demon's sudden discovery. _'Fine I'll look over that one…_'_problem_'_ if it's for the greater good. I wanna mount someone already and if it's a male then dammit I'm still getting some!' _If anything the demon's persistence was the least to say admirable but the bastard only put it to three things. Sex, killing, and others suffering. Although it was when he was in the last two moods that Gaara desperately tried to curb and if it meant constant hours where he'd have to deal with these new urges to protect the people of the village…then he would shut up and take it. _' Nope definitely don't want that Lee boy. He's not too easy on the eyes. Hell you'd have to be blindfolded in order to mate with that one.' _But this was seriously getting annoying. _'Mmm that Neji boy's a looker. I bet your pert little ass you want him to mount you?' _

"What! That's low… even for you Shukaku."

"_You know you want to. Now I know why you got so_ 'excited'_ when you saw him fight."_

"I didn't it was just the bloodlust…." The redhead trailed of with a bit of uncertainty. He hoped Shukaku didn't catch it but who was he to hope of a miracle. _"Haha! You don't sound to sure of yourself!_ _Well if we can get him to be our mate that would be good. But with your proficiency in dating we'd be better of feeding him to your sister." _Gaara scowled at the comment about his sister but the demon was right. He couldn't woo himself out of a wet paper bag even if he was shown into the right direction. _"Yes, first we have to make you look presentable. Then we have to get him alone with you…see if he's interested. If not Plan B."_ Gaara was almost afraid to ask the question but Shukaku beat him to it. _"We get him plastered and have our way with him."_

TBC

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Well I hope you come back….I'm adding another chapter to this one it coincides with the next one I had in mind. This is going to be a 'twofer' if that's what you young folk call 'em now a days. Back in my d-. Gets hit in the head by Gaara Well when I'm done with this installment I would like for someone to pick out the pairing for the next chapter. Pwease Gives puppy eyes

Next chapter: "The Drunken Night Out" or "A really over used plot line…" People get drunk. Stuff gets thrown. Fights break out. Unorthodox Proclamations of Love are told. Property costs go up…. Somebody's waking up with a person they didn't expect to….

Hey you…Yeah you. You see that button? No not the one on your right.

Yeah that one. Yup press that one and you get a cookie!


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